Well the same flu hit me again. I thought I was doing great. Last week I skied, skated, went to a writer's group, worked out, and went to two dinner parties, and spent a day wine tasting in Napa. My trip to S. America began to come together. Then it hit - the fatigue that made me feel like anvils had me pinned to the bed. For three days I didn't speak to anyone. I watched endless hours of television getting caught up on all my favorite shows on hulu. I'm upright today, but my sinuses still feel like chipmunk cheeks. Sometimes in life you have to stop. That's all there is to it. I've realized its not just stopping physically but mentally too. After three days of shutting down, my mind recognizes how fast I've been going; how scared I've really been about going after my dreams; and how emotions have been swirling around me.
During this time of sickness I took care of myself. I didn't think or worry about anyone else. I didn't feel the need to contact friends. I was present with my emotions not judging or trying to outrun them, but taking the time to listen. I realized I'm overwhelmed whether I want to be or not. The list of 101 dreams is big. My fears about finances and relationships is a huge ogre sitting on my shoulders. As I allowed my emotions to work themselves out, I realized that though I want to enjoy all this incredible life has to offer I don't feel like pushing right now.
It's winter. Rain has poured down on Sacramento for five days straight with no stopping in sight. It's a time to curl into life with a cup of tea, stop, and recollect. I've decided that this is what I must do: spend time in bubble baths, read books, watch movies, allow the slowness of time to slip by. My body and mind need this and I'm beginning to believe it is the only way to kick this flu out of my body permanently.
I'm beginning to look forward to this time of slowness. It doesn't mean I won't skate or work out. It means I'm going to focus on caring for my body and making it the strongest and healthiest it can be. This will be a time to clear out the clutter of my mind and meditate.
I have an amazing year ahead. I will go to S. America, Europe, and Canada. I will achieve many of my dreams, but not if I'm stuck in bed with the flu.
Sometimes to stop is the only way to go forward.