I know it’s been two months since I’ve blogged about going after my dreams. To be honest, I’ve been too busy going after my dreams to keep you updated. Today I leave on a ten week trip to South America. If I was a normal person I would’ve gone to a travel agent, booked a tour or hotel rooms and flights and have been done with it. Instead, I’ve gone the solo route and have completely booked my trip on my own. For over a month it was a full time job as I did research, booked flights, found ways to stay in nice places on a budget, and figured out the logistics of such a massive trip. People have said to me that I should’ve just packed a bag, booked my first hotel and figured it out from there. I’ve done enough travel to realize that I hate that way of travel. I like having the logistics done ahead of time, unless I’m traveling domestically, and while I’m in another country I can spend all my time exploring and enjoying.
While booking this trip I encountered tremendous emotions. For one, my constant companion for the last 14.5 years, my cat, Max, decided it was time to leave this planet. He’s been a little miracle kitty this past year surviving a pitbull attack and then cancer. Then one night he just decided he was done. He jumped the fence (something he’s never done) and disappeared into the night within seconds.
The emotions I experienced took me by surprise. The loss and pain was so deep I found myself walking around in a trance. Three weeks passed and I wasn’t feeling better. Then two new kittens entered my life. They’d been abandoned at five weeks and needed love and attention. These little creatures purred and snuggled their way into my heart. Whenever I’m home they are attached to me, and now I had to face the fact that I would need to leave them with my business partner for over two months.
Suddenly I had an intense need to not go out into the world and explore, but to be home. As parts of the trip didn’t come together even with hours of research I kept thinking about canceling. Once my Christmas tree was up with it’s warm glow, the feeling of wondering why I can’t just be a content home body crept into my psyche and all I wanted was safety.
But after years of going after my dreams, I know this feeling. I liken it to when I step on the ice to compete and my legs are shaking and I feel almost sick with nerves. I’ve come to accept the feeling when I skate as I have for the beginning of a new adventure.
I’ve wanted to see S. America most of my life. If I chickened out due to fear or an internal desire to stay safe, I would look back and regret it for the rest of my life. So here I go. Today I fly to Boston for Christmas and then next week I’m on my way to Brazil, my first stop on an incredible journey.