I know it’s been two months since I’ve written on this blog. I’ve been working on my fiction novel preparing it for publication. My writing skills, emotions, and even physical endurance have gone into being the best that I can be at making my biggest dream come true – becoming a published fiction writer with her book on the shelves. There have been times after hours of work that I’ve laid on the floor and stared at the ceiling unable to form thoughts. Furthermore I’ve been training for the Adult Nationals Figure Skating competition and trying to be better than I’ve ever been at my favorite sport. I haven’t been able to train as much as I would’ve liked, due to a couple of rounds of the flu, and an injured knee and hip, along with time constraints.
In all the hard work, the roadblocks I’ve had to hurdle, and the exhaustion, I’ve realized that it’s not really about the outcome of a dream or the finish line, but it’s about realizing that I get to live my dream. I wake up each morning and spend time writing a story I love. A few times a week I get to put everything aside and skate.
Last week I stepped on the ice and competed at Adult Nationals against women from around the country who worked as hard as I did at figure skating. None of us will ever go to the Olympics. We won’t be on television, but we skate because there isn’t a choice. We fight through injuries, nerves, and physical pain because we love to fly across the ice and challenge ourselves. When people ask me why I skate or write I tell them that it isn’t a choice - both are a part of me.
The week at Adult Nationals was intense as I competed three different times. I was exhausted and drained from working non-stop for two months, but something happened as I took to the ice. My legs became jello with nerves, but then as my music started and I began to flow happiness filled me. I made one small mistake and from there I decided that this moment was mine. It wasn't about a medal, or judges, it was about doing what I love. I took home a silver medal for one of my events and had a week of making new friends, laughter, and skating.
It's so easy when we're working towards a goal to worry about the mistakes and to get caught up in the fear that we won't be good enough. In the end it always turns out better than we hoped it could be. If only we could stop worrying beforehand and simply trust.
I guess what I’m trying to say in this blog is that you need to find the thing in your life that challenges you, makes you afraid to go after it, but that you don’t have a choice to do it. Then no matter what happens, whether you become the best or you do it everyday for pure love, it won’t matter. It will make your life more fulfilled.
Now that I'm home and I'm nearing the finish line for my book I'm evaluating my life and my next steps. As I've looked at my list of dreams I've realized some things have changed. Dreams that were once important, now don't seem like something I want to do. Other things not on the list have become something I want more. I think this time of evaluation is something everyone should do on a regular basis. As dreams come true, it changes who we are and therefor what we want out of life. I'm excited to surge forward to new dreams, new adventures, and new goals - to go after dreams that I have no choice but to want.