I like the idea of the big bang theory. I picture the universe's start as this perfect white sphere of illumination: whole within itself, content, and peaceful. It has no needs, wants, or desires and the concept of struggle is inconceivable. Then an explosion so massive that the tiny particles can no longer find their locking pieces. Each part must begin again on its own trying to find the way back to that original completeness within itself.
My feelings about the theory aren't religious by any means. I'm not trying to start a debate that has gone on for centuries, but in looking at the true beginning of this journey, I can only say that three years ago as I kneeled in the snow, my jeans soaked, my hands over my face as my tears wet the sleeves of my coat the big bang exploded within my heart. Though I tried for many months to put my life back to where it had been, there was no way to return.
You see this journey began with tremendous pain. That day I knelt in the snow crying, I thought my life was over. Little did I know that at that moment, my life was deciding to transform.
This past week, I sat on the beach in San Diego with my eyes closed as I listened to the heartbeat of the ocean and felt the sun on my skin. Gratitude flooded my body: I'd woken to the sound of the ocean and stared at it's beauty from my bed; I'd spent the morning buying produce and fresh baked bread from the farmer's market and had a picnic lunch with strawberries as dessert; I delved into a good book; relaxed in a Jacuzzi; and allowed the happiness of life to flood my cells. This all happened because a close friend stole me away just to spoil me.
On the way home from my amazing weekend, I began thinking about the person I was before my big bang experience. I was sick, barely able to get off the couch, as the stress of knowing I was taking the wrong path in life destroyed my endocrine system. My mind constantly imagined living the life I now live, but the desire for comfort kept me confined from taking the necessary steps. If my big bang experience didn't erupt my former life I would still be living in a state of dreaming.
Since taking this journey of pursuing my dreams, I've felt as if I'm jumping off a cliff without knowing if the parachute will open. I don't ever know how I'm going to get from point A to B, but each day I live a life bigger than I could've imagined.
I'm telling you this because I don’t want you to wait until a big bang explodes your life to pursue what you really desire. It shouldn't take your life blowing to bits to get you to pursue what the little voice in your heart is telling you it desires. For at any moment you can decide to change your life. In some ways, it's not easy but the way your life opens, is like experiencing a miracle each and every day. Furthermore, if you are in a state where your life seems to be exploding all around you and nothing makes sense, this is the perfect moment to look at what your dreams really are, for the universe is telling you it's time to leave behind comfort and jump.