The last month has been intense. Between the holiday revelry, travel home, crazy sleep patterns, the website needing to be rebuilt from scratch, and swirling emotions from every angle I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and tired. I thought that I would race to get caught up by working long hours, and then I would return to a normal schedule of skating, working, dancing, and enjoying life. At some point my body would catch up and the fatigue would go away. Ah, but my body had it's own idea. It decided, without asking my permission, that it would crash. I woke Thursday morning and I couldn't move. The flu hit me with a force that left me bedridden for two days. Stopping isn't something I do well. I can enjoy the occasional day in bed watching television. I like going to the spa and reading books after taking a long sauna. But to lie in bed doing nothing but sleeping and staring at a screen for more than a few hours makes me feel like I'm wasting time. There are too many things I want to accomplish. There is a huge world of opportunities and adventures. I have work and skating goals. I miss salsa dancing. I want to ski. I miss my friends. There's just too much fun in life that I'm missing.
I've come to realize that without a strong body, I can't make my dreams come true. Rest is an important factor in mental and physical health. Stopping and taking time to go inward to settle the adrenaline speed that life can bring calms the mind and re-focuses emotions. Stepping away gives much needed rest.
When I hiked Half-Dome in Yosemite, I raced up the first half of the hike. By the time I reached the top of Nevada Falls I thought the possibility of making the summit was dismal. Then another hiker talked to me about pace. I hiked the rest of the way with ease as I listened to my breathing. I never pushed past the point of a comfortable pace. I need to learn to do this in life - to give myself permission to stop when I feel overwhelmed. If I don't, I'm never going to finish this journey. Maybe this journey isn't about pushing to complete a list of dreams, but taking each moment that comes with joy.
I've put some thought into removing the timer on my dreams, but I'm just not ready to do it yet.