The thing about saying that I'm no longer a doormat (check yesterday's post) is that I have to take responsibility for my part in the situation. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." What I've realized is that if I want to change how things happen in my life and how people treat me, then I need to stop saying, "Come to me with all your problems and I will be here asking nothing in return." Life and people will treat me the way I allow them to.
My focus needs to be on making my dreams come true. By putting my attention on everyone's worries and fears and trying to make their lives better I'm pushing my needs to the sidelines. It's like saying that I want to lose weight while eating three brownies with ice cream. Or declaring that I want to travel the world, but refusing to get on an airplane.
Our actions don't always align with our dreams. What we want becomes out of sync with our lives when we won't look at our fear. I feared the loss of those I loved, not being liked, and ending up alone. The idea that I might hurt someone's feelings would break me. So I gave more than I had to give. I forgave more than I should have and allowed myself to be walked all over.
When I face the fears within they become smaller. It's not easy; it's quite hard. In the end I have one life to live. Will I spend it taking care of others or will I learn to take care of myself?
The only way to be truly self-less is to first be selfish. I'm not certain who said this, but it rings true.
Everyone has dreams. Those that accomplish them put actions, thoughts, and energy towards their goals. Where are you putting your action today?